The Yard Sale

Yesterday we had our annual rid-the-basement-of junk-we-can’t-sell-on-eBay yard sale. It was probably the best ever. The pace was slow but steady, there were no “early birds,” and we took in over $130.

I should have taken pictures, if for no other reason than to entertain you with how ridiculously (and, as it turns out, unnecessarily) organized I was. Clothes were sorted by gender/age and size. EVERYTHING was labeled accordingly. I also used a uniform price system for most things (50 cents each for books, clothing, VHS tapes, toys).

Dan set up a table to sell some of the airsoft guns he has. A month or so ago, he found someone on Craigs List who was selling a lot of air soft supplies for $130. Dan bought the whole kit and caboodle. And as much as I wanted to be angry with him for spending that much money on toys, I couldn’t be. It was a great deal. He bought enough to open a small mall kiosk, for goodness’ sake. As it turns out, the airsoft table was the highlight of our yard sale for a couple of reasons.

First, about $60 of our sales was from the airsoft merchandise.  Second, it allowed us to enjoy this exchange.

MAN: Hey, hon, there’s them guns that Bill likes. Should we get some for him?

WOMAN: No! He’s always shooting me with ’em!

MAN (conspiratorially, to Dan): Hey. If you shoot her in the a** I’ll buy two of ’em from ya.

WOMAN: Merle! You quit that!

(Merle looks over the guns and accessories. Dan quotes prices. Woman goes to look at clothes, neatly boxed and sorted.)

**POP** as Merle fires the pistol

WOMAN: Merle! Quit it!

ME (in disbelief) to Trevor: Did he just shoot her?

TREVOR: (laughing hysterically and nodding)

MERLE: That’s pretty nice. You say you want $15?

DAN: Um, yeah.

**POP** as Merle fires the pistol again.

WOMAN: Ow, Merle! Quit it!

ME: I think you ought to buy one for her.

TREVOR (to woman): You wanna try to shoot him?

**POP** as woman fires gun and misses.

TREVOR (whispering to woman): You want me to shoot him for you?

**POP** as Trevor shoots — and hits — Merle.

MERLE: Dang! That stung!

WOMAN: Uh huh! How you like that?

MERLE: Okay, I’m gonna get two pistols. Hey hon, I need $10!

WOMAN (incredulous): You want me to give you money so you can buy that and shoot me in the butt with it?

MERLE: Awright. Let me go get some more money outta the car. (rubbing his shoulder) Man, that stung!

MERLE: (paying Dan for two pistols) Mmm-hmmm, we’ll see how much lip I get now. That’ll teach ’em to touch the remote. I bet it’ll get the cats off the furniture, too.

ME: Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that.

Merle took his guns and his woman and left. The rest of the day we kept saying, “Merle!” and “Dang, that stung!” and laughing over it.