The Yard Sale

May 18, 2008

Yesterday we had our annual rid-the-basement-of junk-we-can’t-sell-on-eBay yard sale. It was probably the best ever. The pace was slow but steady, there were no “early birds,” and we took in over $130.

I should have taken pictures, if for no other reason than to entertain you with how ridiculously (and, as it turns out, unnecessarily) organized I was. Clothes were sorted by gender/age and size. EVERYTHING was labeled accordingly. I also used a uniform price system for most things (50 cents each for books, clothing, VHS tapes, toys).

Dan set up a table to sell some of the airsoft guns he has. A month or so ago, he found someone on Craigs List who was selling a lot of air soft supplies for $130. Dan bought the whole kit and caboodle. And as much as I wanted to be angry with him for spending that much money on toys, I couldn’t be. It was a great deal. He bought enough to open a small mall kiosk, for goodness’ sake. As it turns out, the airsoft table was the highlight of our yard sale for a couple of reasons.

First, about $60 of our sales was from the airsoft merchandise.  Second, it allowed us to enjoy this exchange.

MAN: Hey, hon, there’s them guns that Bill likes. Should we get some for him?

WOMAN: No! He’s always shooting me with ’em!

MAN (conspiratorially, to Dan): Hey. If you shoot her in the a** I’ll buy two of ’em from ya.

WOMAN: Merle! You quit that!

(Merle looks over the guns and accessories. Dan quotes prices. Woman goes to look at clothes, neatly boxed and sorted.)

**POP** as Merle fires the pistol

WOMAN: Merle! Quit it!

ME (in disbelief) to Trevor: Did he just shoot her?

TREVOR: (laughing hysterically and nodding)

MERLE: That’s pretty nice. You say you want $15?

DAN: Um, yeah.

**POP** as Merle fires the pistol again.

WOMAN: Ow, Merle! Quit it!

ME: I think you ought to buy one for her.

TREVOR (to woman): You wanna try to shoot him?

**POP** as woman fires gun and misses.

TREVOR (whispering to woman): You want me to shoot him for you?

**POP** as Trevor shoots — and hits — Merle.

MERLE: Dang! That stung!

WOMAN: Uh huh! How you like that?

MERLE: Okay, I’m gonna get two pistols. Hey hon, I need $10!

WOMAN (incredulous): You want me to give you money so you can buy that and shoot me in the butt with it?

MERLE: Awright. Let me go get some more money outta the car. (rubbing his shoulder) Man, that stung!

MERLE: (paying Dan for two pistols) Mmm-hmmm, we’ll see how much lip I get now. That’ll teach ’em to touch the remote. I bet it’ll get the cats off the furniture, too.

ME: Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that.

Merle took his guns and his woman and left. The rest of the day we kept saying, “Merle!” and “Dang, that stung!” and laughing over it.



  1. OMG, I have NEVER laughed so hard!

  2. Ditto. Both Tom & I went to bed still chuckling.

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