My Most Embarrassing Moment

February 7, 2008

Picture it:  1981, 9th grade health class.  We were being shown a childbirth film. But it wasn’t a “miracle of life” film, it was a 1950s “what to do if you’re holed up in a bomb shelter with a pregnant woman who goes into labor” film.

They started off by showing the water breaking and I knew right then that I wasn’t going to make it. I closed my eyes. But the narrator was giving a detailed description of what was happening. I pushed my fingers down on my ears as hard as I could to block the sound… to no avail.

By this time I was feeling queasy, so I went up to the teacher and whispered, “I have to go.” Mercifully, she said I could leave.  I did.

Stumbling down the hallway, I quickly realized that I was not feeling better. Everything went gray, then black.

The next thing I knew, I was laying on the floor, halfway inside a 10th grade math class, with my eyeglasses broken in shards all around me and a teacher helping me up. I had fainted and fallen forward into the classroom doorway, shattering my glasses and sustaining quite a cut on my eyebrow.

A trip to the emergency room was in order, since some of the broken glass bits were inside my eye, and I needed stitches for the cut.

Since this was the first time I’d fainted, I had no way of knowing that when I regain consciousness I tend to be a hysterical mess. But, boy, was I! I was laying on the table at the ER, blubbering on about how awful and gruesome and disgusting it was… until a voice to my left said, “Is that what I have to look forward to?”

I turned my head to the left and was face-to-navel with a very large, very pregnant belly. Well, at least it was enough to make me shut up.

In the aftermath of this incident, I:

  • swore I would NEVER EVER have children
  • became the subject of a lot of school gossip (everyone thought I was doing drugs)
  • got excused from watching the bit in King Lear where they gouge out his eyes
  • never had symmetrical eyebrows again due to the scar, and
  • got rid of the glasses and got contact lenses instead.

Yeah.  It’s been pretty hard to top that as far as embarrassing moments go. 🙂


One comment

  1. OMGosh! I can see why that rates #1. 🙂

    I’ve never even noticed the eyebrow scar.

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