Guess Who I’m Putting On Notice

August 26, 2006


1. Fast Food Counter Clerks. You are supposed to say something when people approach you, not just stare at them like they’re too stupid to transmit their order to you telepathically. I’m not looking for, “Hi, welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?” No, I would be happy just for a “what’ll you have?” or some spoken word to indicate that you have acknowledged my presence and are prepared to do your job. Because, after all, it is your job.

2. The History Channel. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a history geek. I love history. But every time I turn this channel on, they are talking about ancient Rome or World War II, neither of which I am particularly interested in. With thousands of years to choose from, you would think they could diversify a bit.

3. The new buffalo nickel. You can see the buffalo’s penis, and that’s just not necessary. Yuck.

4. Scrapbook magazines. I am so sick and tired of seeing layout after published layout with one photograph surrounded by about $20 worth of embellishments. Some of us scrapbook because we want our memories preserved, not because we’re trying to create a work of art.

5. Colin Farrell. I just don’t think he’s sexy. I don’t like his eyebrows and as much as I love men with English/Irish/Scottish accents, he just doesn’t do a thing for me. Yuck.

6. Non-Recyclers. Today I made a return to a store and before I left, I asked the woman if she recycled their plastic bags — I had brought the return back in one and intended to take it with me and recycle it myself if the store did not. She grabbed it from me and said, “Yeah, I’ll recycle it right into the trash can.” Lovely.

7. The Travel Channel. Much like my complaint with the History Channel above, it seems like every time I run across this network, they are airing a program about some exotic location with native interaction. And by native I mean men in loincloths carrying spears, shirtless women with boobs hanging down to their bellybuttons, grass huts and people grinding stuff on a stone near the fire. Do I want to go anyplace even remotely like that on my next vacation? No, sir, I do not! *shudder* Show me a palace, a museum, even a beach… I am not camping out with the Mbuti in the wilds of Zaire.

8. School Before Labor Day. This is the second year school is starting in August and it just seems wrong, wrong, wrong! I don’t have a rational reason, just that I never went to school before Labor Day and I don’t think my kids should either. The fact that Trevor’s school doesn’t have air conditioning doesn’t help me want to change my mind, either.

So, that’s who I’m putting on notice tonight. What’s been bugging you lately?


One comment

  1. […] 3, 2006 · No Comments I’ve previously put fast food employees “on notice” a la Stephen Colbert, and I’m writing tonight to say that they are officially […]

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